We are LIVE again!

We are LIVE again talking about how to make a marriage last!
I’m Joelle and Dr. Dabney here again
going live look-ins
expert I think over the weekend
Dr. Dabney celebrated a milestone – tell
me about what that milestone does in
case she caught my two second story on
Instagram it was about my is my
husband’s in my 27th wedding anniversary
which truly seems impossible yes I mean
so I’ve been married nine years and I
guess my biggest question and I think I
asked Dr. Dabney this all the time but
one thing that people asked you is you
know how do you make it 27 years how do
you make it one year it’s what’s that
biggest piece of advice you would give
any married couple you know yeah at last
well since I treat marriages I guess not
no but not always a couple but sometimes
I just treat one person in the marriage
which fixes the marriage by the way
that’s one hint if you need help you
gotta go but that’s my advice in general
it there is no magic bullet to get you
through all the problems you’re gonna
face so you need help go get it
we got help Darryl and I we had
parenting disagreements and it wasn’t
easy I’m still harder for him than me
because I’m in the field but you know
it’s never easy to ask for help
but the relief and the amount of trouble
you overcome is so worth it it’s just
it’s just silly it’s almost silly not to
get help because we made so much
progress so fast and I don’t think we
would have made it or at least wouldn’t
be as happy where we are now if we
didn’t get that help do you have any
advice for those people that you know
are not married yet that are engaged or
you know kind of making that step
there’s no any premarital advice so to
speak it’s sort of a same thing if you
if you start by having the understanding
that were going to get help when we need
it
then just becomes more automatic it’s
not so oh my god we need help
something’s wrong with us it just
becomes more second nature I know the
Catholic faith has you do that mmm right
so and I think that’s really great that
they sort of work that into well this is
how couples should be working all along
so like they make it more natural I do
think the stigmas coming down a little
bit about it don’t you yeah I think I’ve
seen that over the past 20 years I’ve
been working but we we get to face these
stigmas all the time here we talk about
salt I’m because people think oh because
I don’t talk about my problems in your
session you know people think oh you’re
perfect or your life is perfect isn’t so
much yeah we know that it’s not perfect
so it’s just because we are focusing on
your problems doesn’t mean our lives are
perfect in fact a lot of what we teach
you is because we’ve been in the
trenches yeah so you know we’ve come out
of it and so that gives us another
perspective on how to work through these
things not just my book knowledge in my
history of training that’s the big part
of it but the where we’ve been is a
crucial role that’s it
so we don’t we’re not here to judge you
I feel thing but you’re gonna want to
tell them they’re wrong or you’re bad
that keeps a lot of people from coming
in the door and it’s frustrating because
we aren’t judging you we’ve been there
we’ve done indeed we haven’t we’ve had
friends or close relatives who have we
have empathy we get it so it’s just
coming in and having a conversation
let’s the other myths we face all the
time
sometimes it’s they think they have
locked in forever right yeah oh yeah
people think that it’s gonna take
forever and that’s not a goal or you
know our goal is to kind of get you in
here yes it might seem like a commitment
to come weekly or as often as you can
but the sooner you get your work done
you know the sooner you can feel better
and reap the rewards
some people come in for one session just
to check something out or there’s no
obligation to see us forever or or even
just us sometimes people come in and
make a plan you do all the assessments
yeah sometimes they come in and they
make they talk to you and something for
whatever reason we’re not the best fit
or best match correct
and we’ll give them a good referral of
who we think is gonna be the best person
for that specific problem that maybe for
some reason we might not be the best at
because we’ve been here and doing this
for so long sometimes we there’s a
better fit for somebody we’re always up
front and honest about that but yes we
want that for us so we’re not gonna do
for you what we wouldn’t do for us
so if there’s any hesitation we had we
also have other we’re working on so many
options so if it’s difficult to get in
the door and difficult to get the help
despite us tell you how great that is
we have articles online they’re all free
we have dozens and dozens of those we
have the assessment they could just call
you have to chat we’ll do that for free
fifteen minutes you sure about 15
minutes that lasts just give you some
direction we have a course we’re working
on now yeah we program everything I’ve
learned in one course little daunting
but that’s an online course so you can
do that the privacy your own home and we
do tell a coaching tell a therapy so
there’s no excuse darn it so you have
any questions Joelle is actually here
this afternoon give us a call seven five
seven three four zero eighty eight
hundred and we’ll go chat yeah and feel
free to you know email or send us a
message with any questions that you
might have because yeah we’re gonna try
to do this you know twice a week so we
want to be here and answering questions
that you want answers to we just wanna
make ourselves more accessible more real
so that I’m sort of obsessed with the
people who aren’t coming in just one
whatever whatever it takes and maybe
we’ve missed something that would make
it easier to for you to step over that
threshold and over the
here or to pick the phone just let’s
know what that is because we’d really
love to help you yeah all right thanks
guys see you in a couple days