Setting Boundaries

Good Boundaries Make Good Relationships A lot of people may think boundaries are mean because they view them as a separating thing. Another way people may view them is as “rules.” It’s important to know that boundaries are very critical in a good relationship, but they are not meant to separate or set rules. What they are intended for is to help people understand, what works for you and what doesn’t. Boundaries let people know when they’re intruding. Nice Ways to Set up Boundaries When setting boundaries with others: Kindly set the boundary Know the different levels Enforce them with constructive aggression What happens when somebody dismisses a boundary? Or when they don’t acknowledge or care about the boundary? When someone doesn’t respect your boundary, use constructive aggression to make sure you are being taken seriously. For example saying, “when you talk about that subject, it bothers me.” When stating this, it is setting up a boundary by letting the other person know that the subject they are speaking of, bother’s you. If the other person responds with something similar to, “It’s no big deal,” enforcing your boundary by replying with “I know you don’t understand it, but this is really important to me.” This lets the other person know that you are serious, and this boundary is just that, a BOUNDARY. Setting Boundaries in a Relationship People suffer for years or wait for a crisis to seek help. But once they get the support, they often wonder, “why didn’t I start this sooner?” No one can read anyone’s mind; that is why setting boundaries and communicating them to others is essential. Do not expect your partner to read your mind, be sure to inform your partner. In a relationship, when one person starts setting boundaries, a lot of the time, the partner starts getting better at setting them too. To learn more, go to https://drldabney.com/free-relationship-advice-articles/ where you will find free self-help articles.

How to Be Selfish

  It’s imperative to know how to be selfish, to have better relationships. It may sound crazy to say you need to learn how to be selfish in order to help your relationship, but it’s absolutely true. I’ve helped thousands of successful men create the relationship of their dreams, and it all starts the same way. Are you helping everyone, but yourself? These men come to me, having helped everybody in their lives. Including their communities, their co-workers, their families, and their partners, but they don’t know the first thing about themselves. Knowing Yourself If you can’t understand how you feel, what you want,  what your dreams are then you’re never going to make that a reality. If you don’t know your hopes, and your thoughts, you’re never going to be able to express them well and then create them. It’s not only okay to be selfish to take the time to understand you, but it’s also a necessary first step to get the relationship that you’ve always wanted. It’s not mean to be selfish, and it’s essential to take the time to learn about yourself and all these particular areas. That way, you can then reach out and create fabulous relationships. Remember, it’s imperative to be selfish to have better relationships. Find more articles about being SELFish and relationships at drldabney.com and lauradabney.com

What if YOU are the Toxic Person in your Relationships

    What if you are the toxic person in your relationships? Some people who come to me with the chief complaint that a lot of their relationships are unfulfilled, unhappy and/or stressful.. have enough insight to say, “I’m the common denominator.”  It’s always a very moving point because to help yourself, that insight is invaluable and it’s also rare. If you are able to see that something’s not right even if you don’t know what it is, you’re halfway there. How can I tell? How do I tell if someone may have trouble relating to people? Everybody has relationships that don’t go well and this is all sort of a gray or fine line area. But if the majority of your relationships are not fulfilling, or end up with a lot of acting out or abandonment, then it’s certainly worth checking out. Red flags There are red flags that let me know that the ability to handle relationships are off and they may be the toxic person in the relationship. What are those red flags? Do you have arguments with anybody more than once a month? It’s not the norm for people to have arguments erupting a lot. That may be a sign. Similarly, if you never have arguments, especially with your partner.  So arguing a lot or not arguing at all. When there’s a problem in your relationship and you have no idea what to do, ever. That’s a sign as well. Parents who have children who never rebelled. That sounds odd, but it’s not right. That means that you aren’t able to handle give-and-take and some friction. If I hear a parent say their 22-year-old child never gave them a moment’s trouble. That’s a sign that you may have difficulty with relationships. This is a sensitive topic. But the same thing with kids, if you have let a child go, for example, you let your ex take full custody and it doesn’t bother you all that much, that’s a bad sign. I’m not talking about the people who have certain circumstances and had to let a child go and it’s heartache in you. That’s different than the person who doesn’t have that heartache. These are people who say things like, “well I had the child too young and I’m going to live my life now. The people who rather party than getting part custody or full custody …

More Quick Tips to Avoid the Holiday Meltdown this Year

Quick Tips to Avoid the Holiday Meltdown this Year. Every year you go through it, and we want to help you avoid the meltdown. In general, we’ve been talking about how to straighten out that imbalance, which leads to that blow-up or meltdown, and we want to emphasize for the summation is that intimacy involves giving and taking. Think about it; you’re giving something to somebody else, and taking something in return is the ultimate intimacy. If you’ve got it in your head that you have to give, give, give, and that’s what is going to make people happy, and they’re automatically going to give back to you, you’re going to be disappointed, that meltdown is going to come. Go ahead, take and give and you’ll find that you’ll have a much more intimate holiday season this year. Hope these Tips to Avoid the Holiday Meltdown from Dr. Laura Dabney help! Check out more at www.drldabney.com and www.lauradabney.com.  

Beyond Boundaries– Simple Fixes for your Relationship Problems

we’re back it’s voting Tuesday we are here to talk  Beyond Boundaries and give  Simple Fixes for Your Relationship Problems absolutely yes so we’re not here to help you with the political problems because that can get kind of fiery but we do have some tips on how to fix your relationship problems.  these are the quicker tips we give beyond just boundary setting which is huge! But we have talked about boundary setting quite a bit but it’s here is our introduction.  I’m Doctor Dabney relationship psychiatrist and this is Joelle Brant relationship coach. We’re here to try to help you be a little less, you know, weird about coming in to see us or anybody to help you with your emotional relationship problems.  This is  sort of like us opening our front door and saying come on in this is let me talk about this what we do this our imperfections and hopefully make you a bit more comfortable. so we have talked about boundary setting and we’ve discussed the basic boundary setting method is “I feel X when you do Y so I need you to please stop.” there’s some other quick down and dirty statements you can make to stop some troublesome patterns in your relationship. so we thought we’d go over those today. the one we talk about a lot is walking away but a little part to that you have to add that’s because walking away is a little passive-aggressive if you’re in the middle of something or your partner is in the middle of something and you walk away you’re gonna stir them up because they’re not gonna know where you are  or why you just left. Or if  you coming back, that’s sort of hurtful to them so we talked about using a bridge statement. right,  you can say I’m gonna leave this is getting a little too much but let’s revisit it after dinner. Exactly so that little statement keeps it from being torture for the other person okay now there are times when walking away without a statement is appropriate so the first example walking away with a bridge statement is if someone’s being inappropriately aggressive name-calling you know yeah the other yelling gets to be too high whenever you get to that you know that anxiety discomfort like mmm it’s not working for me check in later okay but …