Lack of Intimacy in Relationship or Marriage

Lack of intimacy in relationship or marriage can be from the husband or wife’s viewpoint. Lack of intimacy could be verbal or sexual. Are you trying to figure out what to do about your marriage with no intimacy, and where does it come from? Let’s focus on what I hear the most, which is an internal struggle people have with feelings. They feel as though something is wrong with them or something is wrong with their spouse. The internal sense of feeling, “am I outside of the norm? Is the norm having this trouble?” The external struggle of what is going on is, “is my partner having an affair? Should we be going on more trips? Should I take more time off work?” They’re focusing on what to do about it as opposed to the feelings about it all.  The three things to focus on when dealing with a lack of intimacy: Where does intimacy come from? How does it make men and women different? What to do about it? We must understand first and foremost that sexuality develops in different stages as a psychological development in men and women. Women’s sexuality develops at a different stage from men, and therefore, there is some reason why women tend to focus more on verbal intimacy, and men tend to focus more on sexual intimacy. Women develop their sexuality in the oral phase of development. That’s the very first psychological stage we go through. Think about a newborn baby; they’re consumed with putting things in their mouths, consuming orally. It’s all dependent on the sites, smells, sounds that go along with that.  Men develop their sexuality in the anal phase of development. That’s when babies are focused on elimination, where to eliminate, how to eliminate, the relief upon elimination. That is why women tend to focus more on the setting of sexuality and men on the sexual act itself. What to do about it? The vital thing to remember whenever you’re dealing with your significant other is to understand that both verbal intimacy and sexual intimacy are important. What do we hear all of the time? That women tend to value more the verbal side; it’s more important to them. But they downplay the sexual act. We’ve all heard this; how women say, “all he wants is sex; all he wants is a piece, that’s all he cares about.” As if there’s …

Setting Boundaries

Good Boundaries Make Good Relationships A lot of people may think boundaries are mean because they view them as a separating thing. Another way people may view them is as “rules.” It’s important to know that boundaries are very critical in a good relationship, but they are not meant to separate or set rules. What they are intended for is to help people understand, what works for you and what doesn’t. Boundaries let people know when they’re intruding. Nice Ways to Set up Boundaries When setting boundaries with others: Kindly set the boundary Know the different levels Enforce them with constructive aggression What happens when somebody dismisses a boundary? Or when they don’t acknowledge or care about the boundary? When someone doesn’t respect your boundary, use constructive aggression to make sure you are being taken seriously. For example saying, “when you talk about that subject, it bothers me.” When stating this, it is setting up a boundary by letting the other person know that the subject they are speaking of, bother’s you. If the other person responds with something similar to, “It’s no big deal,” enforcing your boundary by replying with “I know you don’t understand it, but this is really important to me.” This lets the other person know that you are serious, and this boundary is just that, a BOUNDARY. Setting Boundaries in a Relationship People suffer for years or wait for a crisis to seek help. But once they get the support, they often wonder, “why didn’t I start this sooner?” No one can read anyone’s mind; that is why setting boundaries and communicating them to others is essential. Do not expect your partner to read your mind, be sure to inform your partner. In a relationship, when one person starts setting boundaries, a lot of the time, the partner starts getting better at setting them too. To learn more, go to https://drldabney.com/free-relationship-advice-articles/ where you will find free self-help articles.

Relationship Patterns and Passivity Part 2

Relationship Patterns and Passivity back hi relationship psychiatrist dr. Laura Dabney relationship coach Joelle brands we’re continuing our chat on toxic relationship patterns this is a good one because people come to us and say something’s wrong with my relationship I’m unhappy with it but they’re not able to say what’s going on yeah except for maybe you know some details here and there but they’re not able to see the overall picture correct right so we’re always encouraging you to I think people call it coming out of the weeds stepping above the weeds and looking in you know what’s going on yes so last week was sort of our on the intro to issues intro to issues right basically aggressive toxic aggressive patterns are toxic now we talked about constructive aggression being boundary setting but then last week we talked about destructive aggression which hurts the relationship and just briefly those are criticizing helping when you’ve not been asked controlling controlling something trying to get someone on the same page as you not letting someone be on a separate package so today I said we were gonna talk about something that’s less obvious and that is passivity yeah I mean how many times have people come in and say well I just let him have his way because then there wouldn’t be a fight it’s just easier it’s just easier and I say is this easy okay you haven’t described one thing that’s easy or they get their way but then you’re so angry and then it manifests in a different way and that’s destructive passivity so a lot of people think passivity is kind and will get people to love you if I just let everybody have their way they’re gonna love me so much but it never happens it doesn’t work that way so there is constructive passive and then there’s destructive passivity I had people looking at me then when I say that like I’ve got to frickin heads right like when we say the Browns are gonna win the Super Bowl right that’s that kind of stupid statement it does not work let’s think about it for a second your poor husband my poor husband’s a Browns fan so he could move along we’re in the season of bargain in the bargaining season that oh yes the season of hope now in the bargaining …

Stop Always Picking the Wrong Partner!

stop picking the wrong partner and why you may be doing it we’re live!  hi we’re back getting settled. Laura Dabney relationship psychotherapist and Joelle Brant Relationship coach. We are  here talking to you about the problems we see every day and that we want to share with you. As a result, maybe we can give you help across the airwaves as opposed to you coming in or picking up the phone.   we’d rather you pick up the phone and come in but some people are really afraid. So, if you come in maybe we can help you here.    we’ve noticed that a lot so we’re trying to ease your anxiety about coming in. Since we started, you know we’ve been talking about several things that have come to our attention or we’ve gotten requests from certain people to discuss some topics.    I was telling Joelle that I’ve had several requests now to talk about the topic why do I keep picking the wrong partner we laugh because that’s a very common concern issue yeah all the above yep that people call about or come in about all the time so we know that’s a ubiquitous problem and I don’t know if there’s really one answer right probably multi fold reasons or it could be one reason for someone another reason for another but it usually kind of comes down to a few tendencies I think or a combination of these tendencies that we’ve touched on before but maybe we talked about the combination how it’s like a lethal combination of tendencies so we talked about red flags right so there are people who have obvious obvious obvious problems with relationships or relating to people and there are people who miss those red flags yeah they don’t want to see them for one reason or another we usually talk about those red flags sort of I’ve written paper where they listed 50 of them so instead of doing that they tend to fall into these these categories one being self-care mm-hmm I’m not able to care for themselves and that could be can’t hold a job self-mutilate sore self harms those kind of things like always being late is one thing right that I’m late ya know that y’all mentioned right that often leads to well that sometimes leads to not be able to care for himself right now you have …

The REAL Definition of Intimacy

The REAL Definition of Intimacy and how to achieve it we’ll start it I it’s this Tuesday Oh seed now I’m not the only one that gets today’s wrong think about we have big news to talk about on Thursday so I think that’s where I hit that yes stay tuned for that yeah thank you for that so what are we gonna talk about today well Laura Dabney psychotherapist. Joelle Brant relationship  coach. we’ve been talking about how to get people over the hump of coming in to get help for their relationships yes we never get her right I’m a low talker I’ve been told most about my husband is one of the counties here usually that’s selective so what gets people over the hump of coming in or afraid to come in people are embarrassed ashamed and we’re on a mission but is that too strong on a mission to get the people who are suffering to come in sooner because we’ve noticed that when people but some people come in here or call us they’ve been suffering for too long. two years decades and we just think that’s completely unnecessary so we’re we chat about what we do and you’re invited into my office so hopefully that makes it a little easier for you yes and then you had some idea yeah the one thing that I thought would be something interesting to talk about is intimacy yeah we do deal with a lot of couples married couples people in long like long term relationships where I think a lot of times people don’t really understand what true intimacy is or they have a lot of you know they have their ideas of what it is but Dr. Dabney has taught me along the lines of what the the real and true definition of an intimacy could be yeah girl I miss a lot of misconceptions that gets them in trouble so our niche here is helping executive men with relationship problems and so this is how we’ve heard about all of the mists that are out there and then I’d help people overcome those myths to make get the relationship back on track yeah I guess that’s what it is and I think we started talking about the broader definition of intimacy people think it means sex typically but the broader definition is transparency yeah that’s …