We are LIVE again!

We are LIVE again talking about how to make a marriage last! I’m Joelle and Dr. Dabney here again going live look-ins expert I think over the weekend Dr. Dabney celebrated a milestone – tell me about what that milestone does in case she caught my two second story on Instagram it was about my is my husband’s in my 27th wedding anniversary which truly seems impossible yes I mean so I’ve been married nine years and I guess my biggest question and I think I asked Dr. Dabney this all the time but one thing that people asked you is you know how do you make it 27 years how do you make it one year it’s what’s that biggest piece of advice you would give any married couple you know yeah at last well since I treat marriages I guess not no but not always a couple but sometimes I just treat one person in the marriage which fixes the marriage by the way that’s one hint if you need help you gotta go but that’s my advice in general it there is no magic bullet to get you through all the problems you’re gonna face so you need help go get it we got help Darryl and I we had parenting disagreements and it wasn’t easy I’m still harder for him than me because I’m in the field but you know it’s never easy to ask for help but the relief and the amount of trouble you overcome is so worth it it’s just it’s just silly it’s almost silly not to get help because we made so much progress so fast and I don’t think we would have made it or at least wouldn’t be as happy where we are now if we didn’t get that help do you have any advice for those people that you know are not married yet that are engaged or you know kind of making that step there’s no any premarital advice so to speak it’s sort of a same thing if you if you start by having the understanding that were going to get help when we need it then just becomes more automatic it’s not so oh my god we need help something’s wrong with us it just becomes more second nature I know the Catholic faith has you do that mmm right so and I think that’s …

Why it’s Imperative to be Selfish for the Perfect Relationship

Dr. Dabney explains why it’s imperative to be Selfish for the perfect relationship. I know it sounds crazy to say you need to be more selfish in order to help your relationship.  but that’s exactly what has to happen. Being selfish is a big part in creating a perfect relationship. I’m Dr. Laura Dabney and I’ve been a relationship psychiatrist for over 20 years.  I’ve helped thousands of really successful men create the relationship of their dreams and it always starts the same way. These men come to me having put all their energy into helping everybody else in their life but they don’t know help themselves at all.   If you can’t understand how you feel, what you wants,  what your dreams are then you’re never gonna make that a reality. It’s not only okay to be selfish to take the time to understand you.  It’s a necessary first step to get the relationship that you’ve always wanted.  Again  it’s Imperative to be Selfish for the Perfect Relationship!

How to Avoid Raising a Narcissist or Sociopath

and hello everybody thank you for joining me in 2019 a brand new year and by the looks of our responses to the meltdown videos we did here and on Instagram y’all got something out of that and hopefully had a nice smooth sailing through your holiday time congratulations for that. Who I Am so I’m dr. Laura Dabney I’m a relationship psychiatrist and I typically help executive men with their relationship problems but as I’ve explained here my passion has sort of become helping those of you who are too afraid to pick up the phone and call me with any emotional problem so I’m coming to you this is sort of I call it my welcome mat to let you know what I think and how I do things and what I tell my patients every day so you can learn from them and from me in this forum hopefully that’s a little easier for you so today I wanted to, actually this month I think I’m gonna talk about parenting because although I do see a lot of couples and I could actually do a couples counseling without the couple by the way this is my public service announcement real quick if you’re having relationship problems you do not have to go together okay I can I and i’m sure other therapists can do couples counseling without that couple but that is mostly what i do but my subset my second largest group of clients and patients are parents with child problems it’s usually a teenager or young adult parent problem so that’s the other area i focus on so i thought i’d share a little of that with you today and since there’s been so much in the media these days and i’ve been talking to a lot of writers about narcissism and sociopaths I thought I’d combine the two and help teach you how not to raise a sociopath or narcissist. Sociopaths and Narcissists right you don’t want to deal with them anywhere you certainly don’t want your child to have that kind of problem and let me just start by saying that narcissism and sociopathy are sort of descriptive titles of personality disorders so the larger group is personality disorders and personality disorders are defined how we define them is not monsters and horrible people that you hear in the media but we define …

Why can’t we enjoy the holidays without the meltdown??

hi everybody it is Tuesday right yes it is Tuesday I don’t have Joelle with me today though because we were crazy busy all day now she has to go pick up her kids so I’m coming to you live alone this time so it’s nice to see you all I been wanting to talk about the holiday meltdown okay since before Thanksgiving because so many people come to me with this history of going going going going going and then crashing and so I typically don’t hear about the crash till after the crash right so they everybody goes off to their holidays a breeze fine and then they come back uh uh you know with all the complaints and frustrations so we don’t want you to do that this year as I always tell my patients how about we think about the things that are coming up not just the things that have passed and if you have this history of melting down I just wanted to talk to you about that and you know who you are it doesn’t mean you have to it doesn’t it’s not going to take something away from the holidays to think about this in advance we’re gonna add something the holiday is by doing a preemptive strike I was called it’s pre interest rate preemptive strike here we’re gonna solve this before it happens okay and then make the holiday a whole lot better not only for you but everybody else so what I’ve found over the 20 years of doing this is that that meltdown tends to always come because of a imbalance okay so there’s that I’m doing everything and nobody else is doing anything imbalance right sound familiar right this distance and this he’s not doing that she’s not doing that she’s getting her nails done and I’m doing oh okay so you start doing that in your head you know it’s a problem so we’re gonna talk about all the reasons why that balance comes up for starters you are probably doing this all in your head okay so you get caught up in their traditions in the pressure from society maybe some pressure from the family and you go right into right the mood holidays and whatever holiday it is I’m gonna go into the mode and not think stop and think okay thinking caps on …

Beyond Boundaries– Simple Fixes for your Relationship Problems

we’re back it’s voting Tuesday we are here to talk  Beyond Boundaries and give  Simple Fixes for Your Relationship Problems absolutely yes so we’re not here to help you with the political problems because that can get kind of fiery but we do have some tips on how to fix your relationship problems.  these are the quicker tips we give beyond just boundary setting which is huge! But we have talked about boundary setting quite a bit but it’s here is our introduction.  I’m Doctor Dabney relationship psychiatrist and this is Joelle Brant relationship coach. We’re here to try to help you be a little less, you know, weird about coming in to see us or anybody to help you with your emotional relationship problems.  This is  sort of like us opening our front door and saying come on in this is let me talk about this what we do this our imperfections and hopefully make you a bit more comfortable. so we have talked about boundary setting and we’ve discussed the basic boundary setting method is “I feel X when you do Y so I need you to please stop.” there’s some other quick down and dirty statements you can make to stop some troublesome patterns in your relationship. so we thought we’d go over those today. the one we talk about a lot is walking away but a little part to that you have to add that’s because walking away is a little passive-aggressive if you’re in the middle of something or your partner is in the middle of something and you walk away you’re gonna stir them up because they’re not gonna know where you are  or why you just left. Or if  you coming back, that’s sort of hurtful to them so we talked about using a bridge statement. right,  you can say I’m gonna leave this is getting a little too much but let’s revisit it after dinner. Exactly so that little statement keeps it from being torture for the other person okay now there are times when walking away without a statement is appropriate so the first example walking away with a bridge statement is if someone’s being inappropriately aggressive name-calling you know yeah the other yelling gets to be too high whenever you get to that you know that anxiety discomfort like mmm it’s not working for me check in later okay but …