We are LIVE again!

We are LIVE again talking about how to make a marriage last! I’m Joelle and Dr. Dabney here again going live look-ins expert I think over the weekend Dr. Dabney celebrated a milestone – tell me about what that milestone does in case she caught my two second story on Instagram it was about my is my husband’s in my 27th wedding anniversary which truly seems impossible yes I mean so I’ve been married nine years and I guess my biggest question and I think I asked Dr. Dabney this all the time but one thing that people asked you is you know how do you make it 27 years how do you make it one year it’s what’s that biggest piece of advice you would give any married couple you know yeah at last well since I treat marriages I guess not no but not always a couple but sometimes I just treat one person in the marriage which fixes the marriage by the way that’s one hint if you need help you gotta go but that’s my advice in general it there is no magic bullet to get you through all the problems you’re gonna face so you need help go get it we got help Darryl and I we had parenting disagreements and it wasn’t easy I’m still harder for him than me because I’m in the field but you know it’s never easy to ask for help but the relief and the amount of trouble you overcome is so worth it it’s just it’s just silly it’s almost silly not to get help because we made so much progress so fast and I don’t think we would have made it or at least wouldn’t be as happy where we are now if we didn’t get that help do you have any advice for those people that you know are not married yet that are engaged or you know kind of making that step there’s no any premarital advice so to speak it’s sort of a same thing if you if you start by having the understanding that were going to get help when we need it then just becomes more automatic it’s not so oh my god we need help something’s wrong with us it just becomes more second nature I know the Catholic faith has you do that mmm right so and I think that’s …

Stop Always Picking the Wrong Partner!

stop picking the wrong partner and why you may be doing it we’re live!  hi we’re back getting settled. Laura Dabney relationship psychotherapist and Joelle Brant Relationship coach. We are  here talking to you about the problems we see every day and that we want to share with you. As a result, maybe we can give you help across the airwaves as opposed to you coming in or picking up the phone.   we’d rather you pick up the phone and come in but some people are really afraid. So, if you come in maybe we can help you here.    we’ve noticed that a lot so we’re trying to ease your anxiety about coming in. Since we started, you know we’ve been talking about several things that have come to our attention or we’ve gotten requests from certain people to discuss some topics.    I was telling Joelle that I’ve had several requests now to talk about the topic why do I keep picking the wrong partner we laugh because that’s a very common concern issue yeah all the above yep that people call about or come in about all the time so we know that’s a ubiquitous problem and I don’t know if there’s really one answer right probably multi fold reasons or it could be one reason for someone another reason for another but it usually kind of comes down to a few tendencies I think or a combination of these tendencies that we’ve touched on before but maybe we talked about the combination how it’s like a lethal combination of tendencies so we talked about red flags right so there are people who have obvious obvious obvious problems with relationships or relating to people and there are people who miss those red flags yeah they don’t want to see them for one reason or another we usually talk about those red flags sort of I’ve written paper where they listed 50 of them so instead of doing that they tend to fall into these these categories one being self-care mm-hmm I’m not able to care for themselves and that could be can’t hold a job self-mutilate sore self harms those kind of things like always being late is one thing right that I’m late ya know that y’all mentioned right that often leads to well that sometimes leads to not be able to care for himself right now you have …

The REAL Definition of Intimacy

The REAL Definition of Intimacy and how to achieve it we’ll start it I it’s this Tuesday Oh seed now I’m not the only one that gets today’s wrong think about we have big news to talk about on Thursday so I think that’s where I hit that yes stay tuned for that yeah thank you for that so what are we gonna talk about today well Laura Dabney psychotherapist. Joelle Brant relationship  coach. we’ve been talking about how to get people over the hump of coming in to get help for their relationships yes we never get her right I’m a low talker I’ve been told most about my husband is one of the counties here usually that’s selective so what gets people over the hump of coming in or afraid to come in people are embarrassed ashamed and we’re on a mission but is that too strong on a mission to get the people who are suffering to come in sooner because we’ve noticed that when people but some people come in here or call us they’ve been suffering for too long. two years decades and we just think that’s completely unnecessary so we’re we chat about what we do and you’re invited into my office so hopefully that makes it a little easier for you yes and then you had some idea yeah the one thing that I thought would be something interesting to talk about is intimacy yeah we do deal with a lot of couples married couples people in long like long term relationships where I think a lot of times people don’t really understand what true intimacy is or they have a lot of you know they have their ideas of what it is but Dr. Dabney has taught me along the lines of what the the real and true definition of an intimacy could be yeah girl I miss a lot of misconceptions that gets them in trouble so our niche here is helping executive men with relationship problems and so this is how we’ve heard about all of the mists that are out there and then I’d help people overcome those myths to make get the relationship back on track yeah I guess that’s what it is and I think we started talking about the broader definition of intimacy people think it means sex typically but the broader definition is transparency yeah that’s …

Boundary Setting

Boundary Setting and why they are important in all relationships. It’s the Joelle show now we’re gonna do this okay hi sorry missed you guys on Tuesday we were having bad internet issues had to do hard reset and it took a while so we missed last week or last Tuesday yeah we missed the mystery on Tuesday and that was a real pain you were on a video conference I was and I kept gonna kicked on and off it was the worst and I was on a phone call so we’re sort spend it on damn it now yeah so I’m Laura Dabney and this Joelle Brandt and we we help men with their emotional and relationship problems yeah I’m a psychotherapist and relationship coach and we’ve talked about our goal being to help people get over their fear of picking up the phone or coming to the door or even emailing anything right because there’s a lot of misconceptions about what we do so we’re bringing you into the office here tell you a little bit about the process what it’s like yeah what we do to hopefully get that fear you know eased or having nothing yeah either fears of us yeah basically so we what did we talk about we’ve we’ve touched on anger neediness sadness just negative emotions being normal yeah I’ve talked about that that’s important to normalize those yeah there’s some people think are bad wrong and then the other is well if people think is good could be not so good such as altruism that has gone awry basically altruism that had having secrets strings attached yep they don’t people don’t know about rock they don’t understand so that can go that definitely can go wrong in a relationship yes pretty quickly and so what’s what else what other aha moments do we one that I think people have trouble with boundary setting well that’s a good one because people think boundaries are bad sometimes correct but we’re always teaching what’s this thing I say good boundaries make good relationships that’s right yes right but people think it’s mean because well what would my patients think it’s mean because it’s think it’s a separating thing yeah which it is but sometimes that’s it’s a need I mean boundaries are very important um and then also to me when it comes to …

Men, Emotions, and Mental Health Myths

  Men and emotions and mental health myths. We’re live again!! Hi happy Tuesday! Tuesday feels like a Monday for me, double Monday. Double Monday week that’s not good. Why are we doing this? We are this doing this to help you understand what we do! Did we explain why were wanted to do this? We talked about a couple things. your hair, your kids, but really what we’re talking about is what it’s like to be  someone in mental health. Also about men and their masculinity. So that’s really what that’s what we’re talking about right because it’s so much. I think it’s really misunderstood, what it’s like to have a mental health problem. It is not always a disorder but it may be health or emotional problem and what getting help is like. There is a huge amount of misconception about that so we’re just trying to put some of that to rest. We want to break the myths and the stigma and that people think it’s really scary or they’re so afraid to come in.  As we mentioned in one of our videos we want to be a little bit more approachable. Let us make it a little bit easier, less fearful to come in and learn. Learn about you !!! I mean, not knowing about yourself is like not knowing the third floor of your house. By not understanding your emotions and where they come from you miss out on so much information about yourself. Here is a quick recap of last week. we touched about you know the three negative emotions that people mostly don’t deal with or know how to deal with anger, neediness, and sadness. Say it with us anger, neediness, sadness, are not bad things!! they’re not bad feelings! We always mention these emotions that people are trying to hide. those are the people who think they that those are a problem they shouldn’t have, that’s the source of most emotional problems right there. yeah so we see that a lot we probably talked about that a lot and then I added that one post about how we see.   Even  though we see that in both men and women.  there are some differences we see in men and women in that regard and I wrote a little post about that that got a little attention I would say how would I sum …