Letting Go of Adult Children

Letting Go of Adult Children: How to Get to the Other Side of the Grief   Letting go of adult children can be extremely challenging. Some time ago, I spoke with a mother who was having a terrible time with her adult daughter. Her daughter was in her early twenties, living at home. The tension between the parents and child was becoming too much to bear. It was straining to the point of almost breaking what had long been a beautiful relationship.   She fought with her daughter regularly, nagging at her for not getting out of bed until noon and criticizing her for not being more helpful around the house. In essence, she stayed in her role as a parent to a young child while expecting her daughter to act more maturely.   When talking about her struggles, I used a phrase I often use with those who have lost a loved one. I spoke of “getting to the other side of the grief.” Rather than staying stuck on this side of grief, I talked about how rewarding one’s relationship with their adult child can be. To get there, however, parents have to walk through letting go of adult children, letting their kids make their own mistakes and find their paths. My patients breakthrough Today, my patient’s daughter no longer lives at home. She gave her daughter a deadline by which she had to move out and stuck to it. She grieved the entire time; watching her daughter move on was awfully painful. Now, however, she says she’s catching more and more glimpses of her daughter as an adult. They can discuss future career options and have even begun to collaborate on ideas for decorating her apartment.   Of course, allowing her daughter to grow up wasn’t a smooth transition. As my patient put it, letting go was “horrendously painful.” But she recognizes now that without forcing herself to walk through that pain, to “get to the other side of the grief,” they’d still be where they were, arguing and combative and deeply unhappy about their relationship.   Nowadays, many more children live with their parents into adulthood   It’s not an unfamiliar story. Many more children live with their parents into adulthood today than they did even twenty years ago. For many, the decision is primarily financial, and with proper respect for healthy boundaries, such arrangements can work …

Men and Emotions

There’s still a stigma in our society that makes it hard for men to show their emotions and keep their masculinity. Women have come a long way with their ability to emote; emoting has always been more acceptable for women. In the past, women had trouble with aggression. Now women can be in the workforce, go for gold medals, and be on sports teams. Women have bridged the gap in aggression & passivity and emoting & action better than men. Men have not caught up in terms of their ability to show their emotions and feel masculine intact. We have devoted our attention to executive men with relationship problems because they have a history, where they’re encouraged to be aggressive, and are rewarded for being aggressive in the workplace. At home or in an intimate relationship- men act aggressive, and they get “in trouble,” or they get passive and get “in trouble.” They aren’t able to say what they really want or what they really need, which causes the relationship to go south. How men and women deal with certain emotions differently An example of an emotional difference between men and women is anger and how they express it. Women struggle with anger by having the thoughts that anger is not okay, or it’s wrong. Whereas when men get angry, they are terrified that the anger is going to lead to becoming physical and that they will actually hurt somebody. Men fear that if they admit they are angry, then their next step is to hurt someone. How to properly handle anger The way to correctly handle anger is to think about the anger, emote, and deal with the anger; as a result, the anger will not build and blow. Would you like to learn more about men and their emotional health? Head over to https://drldabney.com/free-relationship-advice-articles/ to find dozens of free self-help articles.

Sociopaths and Narcissists

How to Deal With The Sociopaths and The Narcissists in Your Life In other words, how to deal with the difficult people in your life I think it came out of Lee I think the one reason why we thought it was important to talk about is actually dr. Dabney has been talking to a lot reporters and featured in a few different articles about sociopaths and narcissists just because it’s something that she deals with a little more than me but it’s definitely something where I’m learning a lot from her but it’s really important because you just sometimes you don’t see it as a person who was never really thought about it or thought the tools to kind of see these flags you know listening to her talk to the reporters reading the articles it was like you know you need to tell everyone yeah it’s a big topic so we were kind of surprised but we must have had three or four reporters wanted to speak to me about narcissist or sociopaths now one of the one of the reporters said there’s a youtube war going on with somebody somebody’s saying somebody else is a narcissist no he’s a sociopath and we were trying to figure that out so that was kind of fun and I don’t know what those YouTube things are so if that’s so then stay tuned and you can learn something here but so the difference mainly is but that’s what people always want to know the difference sociopaths are equated to monsters and narcissists are equated to full of themselves or stuck-up yes and I guess that’s that’s kind of true yeah sociopath says we term the proper term for that is antisocial personality disorder that does not mean you don’t like to go to parties mm-hm antisocial personality disorder means essentially that you’re a criminal okay and then the sociopath is the laypersons term for that let me use that term sociopath – but basically it’s somebody who it’s not they just don’t just break the law but breaking the law is a way for them to get distance from people they can’t do relationships this is a this is a truism that a lot of people don’t understand not everybody can do relationships they can take them right that’s the problem they don’t realize if it’s unconscious people I mean …

Hidden Toxic Relationship Patterns

It is a runny-nose day! hello Dr. Laura Dabney and relationship coach Joelle Brant coming to you live talking about, well we help executive men with their relationship problems or power couples with their relationship problems but we’re on a mission to help everybody get some help with emotional or relationship problems trying to help you overcome any shame or guilt or anxiety you have about that it’s sort of like our welcome mat to  welcome you in to show you how we look and we talk to you about the same things we talk to each other about.  yeah in here and to our patients  we always ask for people to send in questions mm-hmm we’ve been hearing from lots of you so thank you I was just telling Joelle I got a message from Sam in Chesapeake wanting us to talk about toxic relationship patterns.  Hidden! Yes HIDDEN toxic relationship patterns. I mean I hope none of you are going duh and there was an obvious toxic relationship patterns. I don’t want to assume anything is obvious but there are some that we when you say or  we talk about, that people don’t see or it’s hard for them to see when you point it out, so yes so those the ones who want to talk about. Someone is calling right now! Is it Lola with more food?  we hit the mother load today Lola is Joelle’s mother she brought us all these tasty treats Thank You Lola, too many but thank you it’s true okay yep so we’re happy about that. um that’s toxic food treats so the toxic relationship patterns and I thought was a good segue because we talked last week about dealing with toxic people in your life mhm and really it’s sort of the flip side of that because with toxic people in your life you have to get a little distance with putting up a boundary or leaving if they’re really toxic but this is where you can make a change in the pattern yourself. so things will improve you don’t have to change or put distance for the other person you can make a change which will bring you closer to that person because the toxic pattern is in the way. so let’s talk about them well you know what that’s I can actually there’s probably at least three categories here …

Stop Always Picking the Wrong Partner!

stop picking the wrong partner and why you may be doing it we’re live!  hi we’re back getting settled. Laura Dabney relationship psychotherapist and Joelle Brant Relationship coach. We are  here talking to you about the problems we see every day and that we want to share with you. As a result, maybe we can give you help across the airwaves as opposed to you coming in or picking up the phone.   we’d rather you pick up the phone and come in but some people are really afraid. So, if you come in maybe we can help you here.    we’ve noticed that a lot so we’re trying to ease your anxiety about coming in. Since we started, you know we’ve been talking about several things that have come to our attention or we’ve gotten requests from certain people to discuss some topics.    I was telling Joelle that I’ve had several requests now to talk about the topic why do I keep picking the wrong partner we laugh because that’s a very common concern issue yeah all the above yep that people call about or come in about all the time so we know that’s a ubiquitous problem and I don’t know if there’s really one answer right probably multi fold reasons or it could be one reason for someone another reason for another but it usually kind of comes down to a few tendencies I think or a combination of these tendencies that we’ve touched on before but maybe we talked about the combination how it’s like a lethal combination of tendencies so we talked about red flags right so there are people who have obvious obvious obvious problems with relationships or relating to people and there are people who miss those red flags yeah they don’t want to see them for one reason or another we usually talk about those red flags sort of I’ve written paper where they listed 50 of them so instead of doing that they tend to fall into these these categories one being self-care mm-hmm I’m not able to care for themselves and that could be can’t hold a job self-mutilate sore self harms those kind of things like always being late is one thing right that I’m late ya know that y’all mentioned right that often leads to well that sometimes leads to not be able to care for himself right now you have …