Are You Self Sabotaging Your Intimate Relationship? Find Out!

  Self sabotaging your intimate relationship, are you doing it? Today they discuss the question, are you self sabotaging your intimate relationship without knowing? Sometimes we do not realize we are self sabotaging.  We’re back, it must be Tuesday! Yes! Dr. Laura Dabney relationship psychiatrist with Joelle Brant relationship coach and we are here this is our welcome mat to help you everybody out there who is maybe shy or embarrassed or ashamed to get help for an emotional or relationship problem yeah we’re trying to make that go away in short we help executive men with their relationship problems but you know we like everybody to feel comfortable with this process so here we are and we’ve been talking about the hidden relationship patterns that are hurting your relationships that are toxic okay so in general if there’s a so we’re going to talk about a relationship patterns we’re not talking about arguments okay this is a little different this is the ongoing what do you want basic low-grade problems that you just haven’t addressed issues are concerned that you keep quiet about just because you don’t want to make waves exactly you don’t rock the boat or you can put it off another time so the feelings are not I mean it can be anger but typically we’re talking about feelings that are more subtle like walking on eggshells or being annoyed or bored even if it’s a big one yeah that’s going on guess what it’s your problem how many times we have people come in say my husband and my wife she just goes that other than their problems their problems look if there’s a chronic problem in your relationship either you’re causing it or you’re not stopping it not addressing it is a problem it’s exactly exactly and it keeps it going so it’s a problem so you don’t have to change the spouse that’s the good news you can change how you’re dealing with this pattern we’re not dealing with it and stop it okay and the reason so the reason why I would say people don’t tip do this if people are caught in a rut and have not addressed it in a way to get to stop it it’s because they value one  approach over the other right they approach either the aggressive they value either the aggressive approach or the passive …

Relationship Patterns and Passivity Part 2

Relationship Patterns and Passivity back hi relationship psychiatrist dr. Laura Dabney relationship coach Joelle brands we’re continuing our chat on toxic relationship patterns this is a good one because people come to us and say something’s wrong with my relationship I’m unhappy with it but they’re not able to say what’s going on yeah except for maybe you know some details here and there but they’re not able to see the overall picture correct right so we’re always encouraging you to I think people call it coming out of the weeds stepping above the weeds and looking in you know what’s going on yes so last week was sort of our on the intro to issues intro to issues right basically aggressive toxic aggressive patterns are toxic now we talked about constructive aggression being boundary setting but then last week we talked about destructive aggression which hurts the relationship and just briefly those are criticizing helping when you’ve not been asked controlling controlling something trying to get someone on the same page as you not letting someone be on a separate package so today I said we were gonna talk about something that’s less obvious and that is passivity yeah I mean how many times have people come in and say well I just let him have his way because then there wouldn’t be a fight it’s just easier it’s just easier and I say is this easy okay you haven’t described one thing that’s easy or they get their way but then you’re so angry and then it manifests in a different way and that’s destructive passivity so a lot of people think passivity is kind and will get people to love you if I just let everybody have their way they’re gonna love me so much but it never happens it doesn’t work that way so there is constructive passive and then there’s destructive passivity I had people looking at me then when I say that like I’ve got to frickin heads right like when we say the Browns are gonna win the Super Bowl right that’s that kind of stupid statement it does not work let’s think about it for a second your poor husband my poor husband’s a Browns fan so he could move along we’re in the season of bargain in the bargaining season that oh yes the season of hope now in the bargaining …

The Secret Reason we Keep Letting ‘Em Get the Best of Us

hi it’s not Tuesday no we were here on Tuesday but as good as Joelle looks she sounds terrible hi guys I have  laryngitis going on this is actually better than yesterday!  so we wanted to wait see if Joelle’s voice came back otherwise I gotta be ventriloquist for you little whiteboard I’ll start writing things down so I’ve Doc Laura dad I was forget the intro dr. Lorenz I have any relationship psychiatrists Joe well Brandon relationship coach and we’re here what we do is we help executive men with their relationship problems but we’re here and as a way to help people be less tend to do less poorly Timman therapist nervous about coming in to get help when you have an emotional relationship problem because as we say every time people nobody leaves without saying I wish I’d done this earlier right so don’t be that person come on in this is our welcome mat we’re talking you in this is who we are is what we do it’s what we chat about every day so we’re decided we wanted to talk about why people ask us these questions all the time in session you know why why don’t why do I keep letting him take me over or call over me walk all over me why can I stand up for myself right you know what these kind of and people often bring up self esteem and self esteem is part of it but there’s a secret reason that we see oh all the time and I call it well I call these the enemy emotions okay so there are people who don’t see their emotions as normal natural biological yeah but more that they divided them up into there are good emotions and bad emotions and they’re since bad emotions they shouldn’t feel them or wrong yeah not just uncomfortable but they were actually wrong right they’re wrong they’re they’re the enemy so the emotion becomes the enemy yeah and it distracts them from the problem actually ironically so if there’s a problem or a person’s a problem they see they feel anger and then suddenly that’s bad that’s wrong it’s mean well half a dozen reasons why they can’t let that be in their head I mean we just how about your head not how am I saying anything at this point I’m just …

Boundary Setting

Boundary Setting and why they are important in all relationships. It’s the Joelle show now we’re gonna do this okay hi sorry missed you guys on Tuesday we were having bad internet issues had to do hard reset and it took a while so we missed last week or last Tuesday yeah we missed the mystery on Tuesday and that was a real pain you were on a video conference I was and I kept gonna kicked on and off it was the worst and I was on a phone call so we’re sort spend it on damn it now yeah so I’m Laura Dabney and this Joelle Brandt and we we help men with their emotional and relationship problems yeah I’m a psychotherapist and relationship coach and we’ve talked about our goal being to help people get over their fear of picking up the phone or coming to the door or even emailing anything right because there’s a lot of misconceptions about what we do so we’re bringing you into the office here tell you a little bit about the process what it’s like yeah what we do to hopefully get that fear you know eased or having nothing yeah either fears of us yeah basically so we what did we talk about we’ve we’ve touched on anger neediness sadness just negative emotions being normal yeah I’ve talked about that that’s important to normalize those yeah there’s some people think are bad wrong and then the other is well if people think is good could be not so good such as altruism that has gone awry basically altruism that had having secrets strings attached yep they don’t people don’t know about rock they don’t understand so that can go that definitely can go wrong in a relationship yes pretty quickly and so what’s what else what other aha moments do we one that I think people have trouble with boundary setting well that’s a good one because people think boundaries are bad sometimes correct but we’re always teaching what’s this thing I say good boundaries make good relationships that’s right yes right but people think it’s mean because well what would my patients think it’s mean because it’s think it’s a separating thing yeah which it is but sometimes that’s it’s a need I mean boundaries are very important um and then also to me when it comes to …

How to Enforce Boundaries Without Being the Bad Guy

Hello again! Dr. Laura Dabney and Joelle Brant, life coach we are here helping men, executive men with relationship problems.   We are helping everybody get over the fear of seeing or getting help from somebody in mental health if you need it yes for your emotions and or your relationships. But really almost everybody with emotional problem ends up having a relationship problem.  You can  say for this that it definitely might not be a huge relationship problem but it does affect the relationship.   yeah I think that’s most of the time true what Joelle and I were kind of laughing when we started because we continue to get questions and feedback on our boundaries episodes.  we’ve had two write ins about boundary talks before and they seem to be a big hit so somehow this is an issue.    actually you know what else has been a big issue we’ve been talking a lot with reporters lately that’s been a big change in our practice I don’t know if you noticed on Instagram and Facebook but there have been more articles we’ve been quoted in and they are that topic that keeps coming up over and over again a sociopath.   somehow that’s the big topic I hear it’s there’s some YouTube war going on about somebody claiming someone’s a sociopath and some people thinking he’s not. and that’s maybe part of it but sociopath is a good topic.  so let us know if you wanna hear about that that one put that one on the back burner  because we talked a lot about that.      well maybe a little too much experiences with sociopaths and that’s not fun.  and then we have boundaries for today and we thought we would add a little twist and talk about how to set boundaries.    How to  enforce them without being the bad guy.  we get that question in session a lot so we’ve talked in our other episodes here about what a boundary is and why you need them so check that out I think is that our paprika one.  that’s too funny.   that is our paprika example.  Because you were in the paprika example, make  sure to get me paprika and Joelle’s paprika shirt haha.   so boundaries are important.    once you understand a boundary  and why you need them how do you set that?  yeah so people are very concerned about being the bad guy whenever we talk about discussing negative feelings. or putting up a boundary which involves a negative feeling so I think that’s why a little connection.   like like somehow if you let on you have a …