Phobias, Anger, Guilt, Punishment, How do these words go together?

Hello! Dr. Dabney is back in Virginia Beach with me! This is my coach Joelle Brant,  I am Dr. Dabney psychotherapist and coach, I do it all! Okay so did you miss me? I did! Tyler is honing in on your spotlight.  I am OKAY with that!!

Well,  we talked about red flags.   In general we’re talking about busting myths to help people get in the door.. Or to get people to pick up the phone to call us  with any emotional problems you have. You can call us with any relationship problem too.

We can help you with,  so we’re hoping that if we bring it all down to earth for you and make it more palatable that you’ll be able to make that call.

Our new location in Richmond has two new patients coming which is so awesome.  We’re excited to see patients rolling in there and connecting with new doctors and it’s so exciting! it’s like having a baby!

My Richmond office,  is my baby.   Virginia Beach is another baby!

What do you think about the red flag talk?  Good talk?

It was a good talk, I think when it comes to red flags it’s helpful for people to hear those things.   Because sometimes they just don’t even realize that some actions are red flags. It is like you get swept up into a red flag relationship.  

I think people  just get so swept up into helping and fixing. So they just,  you know keep afloat that they don’t realize they’re in a red flag relationship.

Hopefully some people stopped and gave that a second thought or shared it with someone that they think are involved in or red flag relationship.

You can share this information with someone you know by looking supportive.   I think people are afraid to share advice with others. You do not need to say “so I think you need to see a shrink because you have a problem.”

There are nice ways to do that I mean we talked about that.   Softer ways to tell friends and family that they may need some help with something.  We can get into that one day.

What did we say  we were going to talk about today? We can talk about phobias. Oh phobias that’s right!

we’ve had it come up all day for some reason,  it keeps coming up so we thought that might be the topic for today.

I had a patient today. We talked about a phobia. What was it type of phobia? It was an airplane phobia. Ohh.

Oh I have my own phobia, but I don’t want to get into. Okay I’m scared of ants, I really am!  And the little ants so I’m not sure what kind of phobia that one is. Insects? No, it’s not the ants.  It’s not smallness.

It’s the swarm isn’t it!

Well maybe you’re getting there.  

So phobias are symbolic representations of something else.  Shockingly its about an emotion.

So it’s a way to distract from a certain emotion.

It was funny because I was telling you about the airplane phobia and you dealt with this on the phone with somebody.   When somebody has a phobia they’re trying to cover up a feeling.

So when they’re trying to explain the phobia to you and they want to know why they distract you from the figuring out why.

it’s a vicious circle they will say “it’s not this, not this, not this” and that is all a huge distraction it’s huge smoke screen.  interesting!

Yeah so I’d say, “okay it’s not all those things but how about we look at what was going on right when the phobia occurred.

They may use the live everybody uses “nothing bad nothing was going on” and that’s their way of again distracting again.  Whatever it is they are hiding, it’s painful.

Whatever the emotion is, it is painful. And I am just going to  slowly take them back, to that aim it in right in the “pain.” This  patient doesn’t have the airplane phobia all the time which is more interesting so it’s just specific circumstance.   So then I knew there was something that happened before

you got on the plane okay if you couldn’t handle deal with at the time yeah and there’s a lot of but know is a

great day I had a great day a great day before getting on the plane

something happened something I think that’s something we can talk about next time too is like panic people sometimes I think let’s I’m gonna save that just because well it’s the same time you have a exactly yes I think that’s a good one to talk about too because some people don’t realize what panic is truly about so maybe we can write so phobia is a panic in a certain place and the panic

attacks happen in no place particular but it’s the same exactly I was the same time having time it yes yes okay so once

it’s just once I nailed him down on to what was going on he had actually had a breakfast with his wife.   They had discussed something in this breakfast that he got talked into something that he didn’t really want to do with a family another family member.

He didn’t want to do it he felt terribly guilty.  There was a lot of negative feelings towards the other family member and he just couldn’t say I don’t want to do that  event with her next Saturday and so he felt forced into it. But, he got on the plane and suddenly has the panic that he’s a bad person so he he deserve to die.  what is the acronym we use? AGAP!

You may have anger and than have terrible guilt over it because it’s somebody you love which brings up anxiety about the punishment

You think you deserve the punishment. You’re only aware of the punishment part because you can’t start with the “I was angry at the person.” So Joelle who are you angry at? It really isn’t the ants.  Fine we can use me, we can go ahead and use me we’ll talk about that next time maybe I’ll have gain more insight on myself

I guess we all have these little fears! then we get to look inside ourselves and figure that out. okay all right maybe we’ll do that sometime! all right so that that’s it for now okay we’ll see you soon okay bye