Why can’t we enjoy the holidays without the meltdown??

hi everybody it is Tuesday right yes it is Tuesday I don’t have Joelle with me today though because we were crazy busy all day now she has to go pick up her kids so I’m coming to you live alone this time so it’s nice to see you all I been wanting to talk about the holiday meltdown okay since before Thanksgiving because so many people come to me with this history of going going going going going and then crashing and so I typically don’t hear about the crash till after the crash right so they everybody goes off to their holidays a breeze fine and then they come back uh uh you know with all the complaints and frustrations so we don’t want you to do that this year as I always tell my patients how about we think about the things that are coming up not just the things that have passed and if you have this history of melting down I just wanted to talk to you about that and you know who you are it doesn’t mean you have to it doesn’t it’s not going to take something away from the holidays to think about this in advance we’re gonna add something the holiday is by doing a preemptive strike I was called it’s pre interest rate preemptive strike here we’re gonna solve this before it happens okay and then make the holiday a whole lot better not only for you but everybody else so what I’ve found over the 20 years of doing this is that that meltdown tends to always come because of a imbalance okay so there’s that I’m doing everything and nobody else is doing anything imbalance right sound familiar right this distance and this he’s not doing that she’s not doing that she’s getting her nails done and I’m doing oh okay so you start doing that in your head you know it’s a problem so we’re gonna talk about all the reasons why that balance comes up for starters you are probably doing this all in your head okay so you get caught up in their traditions in the pressure from society maybe some pressure from the family and you go right into right the mood holidays and whatever holiday it is I’m gonna go into the mode and not think stop and think okay thinking caps on …

Beyond Boundaries– Simple Fixes for your Relationship Problems

we’re back it’s voting Tuesday we are here to talk  Beyond Boundaries and give  Simple Fixes for Your Relationship Problems absolutely yes so we’re not here to help you with the political problems because that can get kind of fiery but we do have some tips on how to fix your relationship problems.  these are the quicker tips we give beyond just boundary setting which is huge! But we have talked about boundary setting quite a bit but it’s here is our introduction.  I’m Doctor Dabney relationship psychiatrist and this is Joelle Brant relationship coach. We’re here to try to help you be a little less, you know, weird about coming in to see us or anybody to help you with your emotional relationship problems.  This is  sort of like us opening our front door and saying come on in this is let me talk about this what we do this our imperfections and hopefully make you a bit more comfortable. so we have talked about boundary setting and we’ve discussed the basic boundary setting method is “I feel X when you do Y so I need you to please stop.” there’s some other quick down and dirty statements you can make to stop some troublesome patterns in your relationship. so we thought we’d go over those today. the one we talk about a lot is walking away but a little part to that you have to add that’s because walking away is a little passive-aggressive if you’re in the middle of something or your partner is in the middle of something and you walk away you’re gonna stir them up because they’re not gonna know where you are  or why you just left. Or if  you coming back, that’s sort of hurtful to them so we talked about using a bridge statement. right,  you can say I’m gonna leave this is getting a little too much but let’s revisit it after dinner. Exactly so that little statement keeps it from being torture for the other person okay now there are times when walking away without a statement is appropriate so the first example walking away with a bridge statement is if someone’s being inappropriately aggressive name-calling you know yeah the other yelling gets to be too high whenever you get to that you know that anxiety discomfort like mmm it’s not working for me check in later okay but …

Are You Self Sabotaging Your Intimate Relationship? Find Out!

  Self sabotaging your intimate relationship, are you doing it? Today they discuss the question, are you self sabotaging your intimate relationship without knowing? Sometimes we do not realize we are self sabotaging.  We’re back, it must be Tuesday! Yes! Dr. Laura Dabney relationship psychiatrist with Joelle Brant relationship coach and we are here this is our welcome mat to help you everybody out there who is maybe shy or embarrassed or ashamed to get help for an emotional or relationship problem yeah we’re trying to make that go away in short we help executive men with their relationship problems but you know we like everybody to feel comfortable with this process so here we are and we’ve been talking about the hidden relationship patterns that are hurting your relationships that are toxic okay so in general if there’s a so we’re going to talk about a relationship patterns we’re not talking about arguments okay this is a little different this is the ongoing what do you want basic low-grade problems that you just haven’t addressed issues are concerned that you keep quiet about just because you don’t want to make waves exactly you don’t rock the boat or you can put it off another time so the feelings are not I mean it can be anger but typically we’re talking about feelings that are more subtle like walking on eggshells or being annoyed or bored even if it’s a big one yeah that’s going on guess what it’s your problem how many times we have people come in say my husband and my wife she just goes that other than their problems their problems look if there’s a chronic problem in your relationship either you’re causing it or you’re not stopping it not addressing it is a problem it’s exactly exactly and it keeps it going so it’s a problem so you don’t have to change the spouse that’s the good news you can change how you’re dealing with this pattern we’re not dealing with it and stop it okay and the reason so the reason why I would say people don’t tip do this if people are caught in a rut and have not addressed it in a way to get to stop it it’s because they value one  approach over the other right they approach either the aggressive they value either the aggressive approach or the passive …

Relationship Patterns and Passivity Part 2

Relationship Patterns and Passivity back hi relationship psychiatrist dr. Laura Dabney relationship coach Joelle brands we’re continuing our chat on toxic relationship patterns this is a good one because people come to us and say something’s wrong with my relationship I’m unhappy with it but they’re not able to say what’s going on yeah except for maybe you know some details here and there but they’re not able to see the overall picture correct right so we’re always encouraging you to I think people call it coming out of the weeds stepping above the weeds and looking in you know what’s going on yes so last week was sort of our on the intro to issues intro to issues right basically aggressive toxic aggressive patterns are toxic now we talked about constructive aggression being boundary setting but then last week we talked about destructive aggression which hurts the relationship and just briefly those are criticizing helping when you’ve not been asked controlling controlling something trying to get someone on the same page as you not letting someone be on a separate package so today I said we were gonna talk about something that’s less obvious and that is passivity yeah I mean how many times have people come in and say well I just let him have his way because then there wouldn’t be a fight it’s just easier it’s just easier and I say is this easy okay you haven’t described one thing that’s easy or they get their way but then you’re so angry and then it manifests in a different way and that’s destructive passivity so a lot of people think passivity is kind and will get people to love you if I just let everybody have their way they’re gonna love me so much but it never happens it doesn’t work that way so there is constructive passive and then there’s destructive passivity I had people looking at me then when I say that like I’ve got to frickin heads right like when we say the Browns are gonna win the Super Bowl right that’s that kind of stupid statement it does not work let’s think about it for a second your poor husband my poor husband’s a Browns fan so he could move along we’re in the season of bargain in the bargaining season that oh yes the season of hope now in the bargaining …

Hidden Toxic Relationship Patterns

It is a runny-nose day! hello Dr. Laura Dabney and relationship coach Joelle Brant coming to you live talking about, well we help executive men with their relationship problems or power couples with their relationship problems but we’re on a mission to help everybody get some help with emotional or relationship problems trying to help you overcome any shame or guilt or anxiety you have about that it’s sort of like our welcome mat to  welcome you in to show you how we look and we talk to you about the same things we talk to each other about.  yeah in here and to our patients  we always ask for people to send in questions mm-hmm we’ve been hearing from lots of you so thank you I was just telling Joelle I got a message from Sam in Chesapeake wanting us to talk about toxic relationship patterns.  Hidden! Yes HIDDEN toxic relationship patterns. I mean I hope none of you are going duh and there was an obvious toxic relationship patterns. I don’t want to assume anything is obvious but there are some that we when you say or  we talk about, that people don’t see or it’s hard for them to see when you point it out, so yes so those the ones who want to talk about. Someone is calling right now! Is it Lola with more food?  we hit the mother load today Lola is Joelle’s mother she brought us all these tasty treats Thank You Lola, too many but thank you it’s true okay yep so we’re happy about that. um that’s toxic food treats so the toxic relationship patterns and I thought was a good segue because we talked last week about dealing with toxic people in your life mhm and really it’s sort of the flip side of that because with toxic people in your life you have to get a little distance with putting up a boundary or leaving if they’re really toxic but this is where you can make a change in the pattern yourself. so things will improve you don’t have to change or put distance for the other person you can make a change which will bring you closer to that person because the toxic pattern is in the way. so let’s talk about them well you know what that’s I can actually there’s probably at least three categories here …