Are You Self Sabotaging Your Intimate Relationship? Find Out!

  Self sabotaging your intimate relationship, are you doing it? Today they discuss the question, are you self sabotaging your intimate relationship without knowing? Sometimes we do not realize we are self sabotaging.  We’re back, it must be Tuesday! Yes! Dr. Laura Dabney relationship psychiatrist with Joelle Brant relationship coach and we are here this is our welcome mat to help you everybody out there who is maybe shy or embarrassed or ashamed to get help for an emotional or relationship problem yeah we’re trying to make that go away in short we help executive men with their relationship problems but you know we like everybody to feel comfortable with this process so here we are and we’ve been talking about the hidden relationship patterns that are hurting your relationships that are toxic okay so in general if there’s a so we’re going to talk about a relationship patterns we’re not talking about arguments okay this is a little different this is the ongoing what do you want basic low-grade problems that you just haven’t addressed issues are concerned that you keep quiet about just because you don’t want to make waves exactly you don’t rock the boat or you can put it off another time so the feelings are not I mean it can be anger but typically we’re talking about feelings that are more subtle like walking on eggshells or being annoyed or bored even if it’s a big one yeah that’s going on guess what it’s your problem how many times we have people come in say my husband and my wife she just goes that other than their problems their problems look if there’s a chronic problem in your relationship either you’re causing it or you’re not stopping it not addressing it is a problem it’s exactly exactly and it keeps it going so it’s a problem so you don’t have to change the spouse that’s the good news you can change how you’re dealing with this pattern we’re not dealing with it and stop it okay and the reason so the reason why I would say people don’t tip do this if people are caught in a rut and have not addressed it in a way to get to stop it it’s because they value one  approach over the other right they approach either the aggressive they value either the aggressive approach or the passive …

Relationship Patterns and Passivity Part 2

Relationship Patterns and Passivity back hi relationship psychiatrist dr. Laura Dabney relationship coach Joelle brands we’re continuing our chat on toxic relationship patterns this is a good one because people come to us and say something’s wrong with my relationship I’m unhappy with it but they’re not able to say what’s going on yeah except for maybe you know some details here and there but they’re not able to see the overall picture correct right so we’re always encouraging you to I think people call it coming out of the weeds stepping above the weeds and looking in you know what’s going on yes so last week was sort of our on the intro to issues intro to issues right basically aggressive toxic aggressive patterns are toxic now we talked about constructive aggression being boundary setting but then last week we talked about destructive aggression which hurts the relationship and just briefly those are criticizing helping when you’ve not been asked controlling controlling something trying to get someone on the same page as you not letting someone be on a separate package so today I said we were gonna talk about something that’s less obvious and that is passivity yeah I mean how many times have people come in and say well I just let him have his way because then there wouldn’t be a fight it’s just easier it’s just easier and I say is this easy okay you haven’t described one thing that’s easy or they get their way but then you’re so angry and then it manifests in a different way and that’s destructive passivity so a lot of people think passivity is kind and will get people to love you if I just let everybody have their way they’re gonna love me so much but it never happens it doesn’t work that way so there is constructive passive and then there’s destructive passivity I had people looking at me then when I say that like I’ve got to frickin heads right like when we say the Browns are gonna win the Super Bowl right that’s that kind of stupid statement it does not work let’s think about it for a second your poor husband my poor husband’s a Browns fan so he could move along we’re in the season of bargain in the bargaining season that oh yes the season of hope now in the bargaining …

Hidden Toxic Relationship Patterns

It is a runny-nose day! hello Dr. Laura Dabney and relationship coach Joelle Brant coming to you live talking about, well we help executive men with their relationship problems or power couples with their relationship problems but we’re on a mission to help everybody get some help with emotional or relationship problems trying to help you overcome any shame or guilt or anxiety you have about that it’s sort of like our welcome mat to  welcome you in to show you how we look and we talk to you about the same things we talk to each other about.  yeah in here and to our patients  we always ask for people to send in questions mm-hmm we’ve been hearing from lots of you so thank you I was just telling Joelle I got a message from Sam in Chesapeake wanting us to talk about toxic relationship patterns.  Hidden! Yes HIDDEN toxic relationship patterns. I mean I hope none of you are going duh and there was an obvious toxic relationship patterns. I don’t want to assume anything is obvious but there are some that we when you say or  we talk about, that people don’t see or it’s hard for them to see when you point it out, so yes so those the ones who want to talk about. Someone is calling right now! Is it Lola with more food?  we hit the mother load today Lola is Joelle’s mother she brought us all these tasty treats Thank You Lola, too many but thank you it’s true okay yep so we’re happy about that. um that’s toxic food treats so the toxic relationship patterns and I thought was a good segue because we talked last week about dealing with toxic people in your life mhm and really it’s sort of the flip side of that because with toxic people in your life you have to get a little distance with putting up a boundary or leaving if they’re really toxic but this is where you can make a change in the pattern yourself. so things will improve you don’t have to change or put distance for the other person you can make a change which will bring you closer to that person because the toxic pattern is in the way. so let’s talk about them well you know what that’s I can actually there’s probably at least three categories here …

The Secret Reason we Keep Letting ‘Em Get the Best of Us

hi it’s not Tuesday no we were here on Tuesday but as good as Joelle looks she sounds terrible hi guys I have  laryngitis going on this is actually better than yesterday!  so we wanted to wait see if Joelle’s voice came back otherwise I gotta be ventriloquist for you little whiteboard I’ll start writing things down so I’ve Doc Laura dad I was forget the intro dr. Lorenz I have any relationship psychiatrists Joe well Brandon relationship coach and we’re here what we do is we help executive men with their relationship problems but we’re here and as a way to help people be less tend to do less poorly Timman therapist nervous about coming in to get help when you have an emotional relationship problem because as we say every time people nobody leaves without saying I wish I’d done this earlier right so don’t be that person come on in this is our welcome mat we’re talking you in this is who we are is what we do it’s what we chat about every day so we’re decided we wanted to talk about why people ask us these questions all the time in session you know why why don’t why do I keep letting him take me over or call over me walk all over me why can I stand up for myself right you know what these kind of and people often bring up self esteem and self esteem is part of it but there’s a secret reason that we see oh all the time and I call it well I call these the enemy emotions okay so there are people who don’t see their emotions as normal natural biological yeah but more that they divided them up into there are good emotions and bad emotions and they’re since bad emotions they shouldn’t feel them or wrong yeah not just uncomfortable but they were actually wrong right they’re wrong they’re they’re the enemy so the emotion becomes the enemy yeah and it distracts them from the problem actually ironically so if there’s a problem or a person’s a problem they see they feel anger and then suddenly that’s bad that’s wrong it’s mean well half a dozen reasons why they can’t let that be in their head I mean we just how about your head not how am I saying anything at this point I’m just …

Why Do We Always Give More Than We Get??

Hi I am  Dr. Laura Dabney relationship psychiatrist almost forgot my name! This is relationship coach Joelle Brant and we hope you had a fabulous Thanksgiving and I just realized we haven’t even talked about yeah so how was your Thanksgiving good family in town everyone together I feel like I gained a million pounds but good how’s yours good I had family in town and a friend giving friends giving Thanksgiving friends giving so best of both worlds that’s great it was really great and I had your mom’s cake always a huge success truly I’m a foodie people know everybody follows me on Instagram knows my foodie have that kicks of pastry chefs all around the world hmm her mom’s cake is by far everybody comments on I raised about it yes you do it’s good so it’s good beyond that look the Lola list for food is a coveted position whatever I need to do to hold on to that we are here talking about why okay so we tend to talk to people that say since we’re talking about Lola well we have questions this is our welcome at putting out to you anybody who’s squirrelly about coming in meeting help for emotional relationship problems we’re trying to fix that because really I challenge you to find anybody who’s been super successful that they didn’t have a mentor or a guide of some sort so it’s it’s no different you know you have a problem we’re here you’re there just need to give us a call or step in or listen to this we’ll see if we can help you but so we do have a lot of the same questions get asked and so those are the things we were dressing hoping that it reaches you or someone that you know know love and last we saw that we touched on this last week we tend to get a lot the question your why did why does everybody else always get their way or why why did people my lives seem to have a good life and I’m I don’t and we got to the bottom of that being anger is anger is usually an emotion that people want to discard or pretend they don’t have or have labeled it as the bad bad or the enemy emotion right so if you don’t have the …