Avoid the holiday meltdown this year Give yourself a gift!


Want to know how to Avoid the holiday meltdown this year Give yourself a gift!
So we’re talking about the holiday
meltdown this year and hopefully you
haven’t already had it I’ve seen several
people who have it’s not pretty so still
a few days or more left to get this
accomplished off your plate and
hopefully set in new habits for next
year or the next holiday so I’m Dr.
Laura Dabney I’m a relationship
psychiatrist and I’ve been in practice
for 20 years and I’ve seen a lot of this
so gather somebody’s not then what where
people get in trouble the most is trying
to get these people to do more right so
you’re trying to change them and guess
what what do we always say children too
can need to learn that you aren’t going
to give them everything they want for
the rest of their lives
don’t certainly can handle this all
right there’s a fantasy they’re gonna
hurt somebody or someone’s gonna be
angry or upset because you didn’t give
them whatever this year let go of that
okay see what really happens
I’ve never seen this anybody stopped
talking about the meltdown or the
problem in advance this seems to be it
seems obvious when I say it but I can’t
tell me people don’t think okay so how
did this go last year and maybe I can do
something now to avoid it going badly
again instead they come in and it was
gone badly do this tradition or you’re
gonna feel badly later right or the
guilt I have to spend the time with so
and so usually an elderly person or I’m
gonna feel badly later okay you cannot
you listening you cannot fix a future
problem now make sense you cannot fix a
future problem now
I hear this all the time well if I don’t
see them now I’m gonna feel guilty later
or sad later you are going to feel the
guilty in South later because that’s
normal and that’s lies so you can bust
your butt all day today but you’re still
there are feelings that people have
labeled as bad and feelings people have
labeled good and there is no such thing
there is no scale people none for you to
be soothed or feel better or whatever it
is and if you’re ignoring that you’re
not be able to change it and so what’s
it gonna keep doing it’s gonna keep
bothering you
until what the scale is you’re just
building and blowing is the phrase I use
a lot okay anger sadness neediness are
all normal so guess what happens if you
have a already an issue with those
emotions during the holidays there’s
lots of reasons societal pressure
whatever you want to call it
those are worse right if you think you
can’t feel sad on the rest of the days
of the week what you definitely I guess
you’re somehow gonna think you should
never feel sad during the holidays and
that is nonsense feelings don’t take a
hiatus on Christmas or New Year’s or
you have to allow yourself that time to
process that emotion whatever drive
reading my enemy emotion it is there’s
absolutely nothing wrong with saying
excuse me people I’m going to go take a
I’ll be back I’m going to go take a nap
or whatever it is you need to do to get
that feeling processed back to our
earlier talk here if you can do it in in
advance even better even better baby you
get sad about the loss of a parent every
holiday maybe you get sad about a child
who can’t come home or be with you for
the holidays okay say it go ahead and
say that in advance you know family
member or members
turns out get said every year about the
loss of my dad so I’m gonna take a
little break on Christmas Eve a little
time to myself it’s nothing wrong with
that nobody I would be shocked if
anybody said no you can’t because our
holiday tradition is blah or you can’t
feel sad because it’s supposed to be a
happy time get that pressure about how
there’s some robot get this all up out
resolves gonna do this this and this and
of course the unexpected thing is going
to come up but you’ll be ready for
because you’re not already maxed out
okay you’re not already maxed out the
key to all of this is and this is where
a lot of people get confused intimacy
right over the holidays or any other
time but especially the holiday intimacy
we all want to bond with get close to
have those feelings with our loved ones
it involved giving and taking both of
those things are involved with intimacy
think about it what they want if I make
it perfect then they’re gonna make it
perfect for me
ESP doesn’t work any better on Christmas